Full Disclosure

I’ve considered many times if I should include the story of how the Ex and I broke up. On the one hand, I did not want the past to affect the future, or how I parent. Essentially, I do not want the road forward or the choices I make to be coloured by what happened. On the other hand, in a way, it’s still happening. There are still immediate consequences that affect my daily life and parenting. It makes it really difficult to tell my story and write about my challenges and joys when I have to leave out a piece of the puzzle that remains immediately relevant. So, here it is.

Shortly after I’d returned to work from maternity leave, I discovered my husband had been having an affair. The initial confrontation detonated an emotional atom bomb. After several months of heart-wrenching negotiations, things between us were actually over-over by the end of the summer, and we have now been officially separated for just over a year

Flash forward to the present – The Ex is still with this woman, living in the home that he and I shared, and they are expecting a child next month. ‘The Other Woman’ (who is no longer Other) is part of my daughter’s reality, and Bean speaks of her and the coming brother or sister often.

So it affects me. It forces me to into a situation where I am supporting my daughter’s relationship, not only with her father, but also with his new family. I listen to her stories, and encourage a positive relationship. In my heart, I know this is the right thing to do. And having to do it breaks my heart a little, every time.

I am still going through the process of grieving. I have had to adapt quickly to many changes in the internal and external environment. I’ve had to move twice, and have another move coming up. I’ve been mothering Bean through transitions to new daycares and changes in the parenting schedule. Balancing a career that is very important to me. Trying to make sense of a marriage that failed so horribly, while witnessing my Ex – a man I had loved and believed I would grow old with – move on so quickly and bindingly, and letting go of the illusion of what I thought was real. And in the very small, rare, spaces between, trying to build a new and vibrant life for Bean and I. I don’t want to just ‘get past this’.  My dearest wish is to thrive.

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