My next day off is March 6. Between now and then, my minimum work day is probably about 10 hours, likely closer to 14, averaging out at maybe 12.
Of course I’ve known this was coming for a long time. I’ve made plans with my family and The Ex to take care of Bean when I can’t (which is most of the time). I did a lot of pre-prep with Bean so she knows Mommy won’t be around for the next little while, and have little treats planned through the next three weeks. When I spoke to her the other night about it, she only asked, “But you’re coming back, right?” When I assured her I was, she was totally fine.
It’s the first time since I’ve been back to work, and therefore since the split, where work really does come first. By choice. I’m not working hours I don’t want to work, and I’m doing a job that I am incredibly excited about.
I have very little guilt about this, even though we’ve never been apart for this much time. It actually feels great to be able to make my career a priority for a change.
I know that we’re going to be okay because I’ve put so much work into our relationship. She feels okay about this because she knows I’m not going anywhere. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. I’m going to miss her. She’s going to wonder what’s up.
So I guess it’s okay to be imbalanced sometimes, for us. With neither of the members of our two-member family particularly stressed, we’re in good shape for the challenge to come. I can enjoy the reward of knowing that I can do this. I can have my career and be a good mum. I can be a great mum, and still have a rewarding career.
Carolyn,
you are inspiring, hang in there. Working and parenting is tough whether it be two parents or one. The grass is certainly NOT necessarily greener on the other side.
Your attitude toward your Ex, his new wife, and his new child is heroic by every standards. So many times I work with parents who harbor such bitterness toward their Ex, that it spills over on their kids.
What you are going through is painful. The only encouraging thing I can say… It’s a season. It feels like it will never pass but it does. There are happier days ahead. Trust me from someone who’s been there 11 years ago–but that my friend, is another story!